I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
