i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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