threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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