Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
