plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
