I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize