Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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