Your tits are I can't wait for
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
