So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
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