She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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