She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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