sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
