dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
