No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
