You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
