Don't you send me to vm
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
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