my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
