No stitches, just platelets and will power
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
