Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
