it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
