When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Randomize
