Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
So many bounce houses so little time
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I lost the right to judge tonight
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
