I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
