I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
