1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
