he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
