She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
