question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
