Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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