I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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