When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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