in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
