my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
