I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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