yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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