We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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