Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize