Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
