We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
