I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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