fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
okay pat passed out under dana's car
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
