you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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