He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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