remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
