At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
My pussy is not your playground.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
