I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
