Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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