Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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