Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
wakey wakey hands off snakey
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
