i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
