he was CRYING into my vagina
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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