I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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