Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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