I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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