Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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