I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize