I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
she woke up with a sticky ear
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize