This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
