So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
