I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
