My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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