I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
