You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
