Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
