There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
