The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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