If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
