Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Can you bring me the toilet please
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize