i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
