grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
