Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
