I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
