are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
