We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
